The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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