wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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