Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
