and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
