i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
