all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
