be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
