so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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