Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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