Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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