I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She bit a glass in half.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
