ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
