You made me cry and you don't even care
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
