You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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