hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
