im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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