why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
