I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
