I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
