The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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