none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
