I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
