also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
