The maid of honor just puked.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
