you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
