Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
3pm strippers are depressing
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
