she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
