Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
