How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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