there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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