Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
