Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
