Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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