wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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