I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
