new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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