my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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