dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
