i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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