Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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