don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He felt like a one man threesome
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize