R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
