I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
