i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
