Just cropdusted the office
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
