Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
