did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
please don't ironically join a cult
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