how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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