Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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