My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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