You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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