before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
