she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
