i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
