Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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