I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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