she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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