what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
