come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize