Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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