are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
