i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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