don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
