Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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