Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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