she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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