I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
