I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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