matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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