whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
