My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
